I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
