I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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