thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
