Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's on the porch naked. Help.
tell me about the eggs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
