Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And then my night got REAL pukey
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
