I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
