I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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