yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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