So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
