Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
