The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
