her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
