She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
