Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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