There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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