Girls should come with a carfax report
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
