At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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