Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
