dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
