hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
