i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
