Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
