no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Panties = found
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
