Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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