Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
