I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
