All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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