Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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