Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
