Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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