so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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