The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
