So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
