I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
