you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
