Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
