Already got asked if we're dating
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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