is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
