During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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