thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
