you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
