Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
