office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
