Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
