Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a search helicopter?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
