GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize