Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize