I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize