I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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