Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
