He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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