how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I know her cup size but not her name....
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