The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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