Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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