he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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