Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize