Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
