my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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