The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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