One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
