ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
