maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
